Death is served and deserved.....

Adolescence was wasted on me or so it seems....but then I wonder if Chuck agrees with me when I say Death is wasted on him. Van Gogh died and we still remember him - in hours of melancholy , in moments of inspiration. But no one remembers you when you die in those very moments, let life just slip like mustard seeds on soft palms. There are exceptions to every rule and mind you this is a rule.

Why do people just give up on life os easily? I believe (and this is a fact) that with every rise there is a fall and it is an alternating, monotonous rountine rather act of fate and time. Why let misery take hold off every cell in your body and dine with death? Have you seen the video - Teardrop by Massive Attack - its quite something really....thats all I can say for men and women who give up on life so easily....and throw in the towel before the first retalliating punch has been laid....You will be not be eaily forgotten rather remembered with pity and sympathy....and I definitely don't want that.....

On a valid segue, I want to die eating chocolate I think - preferably Bounty....hmmmm BOUUUNTTTTYYYYY......yummmm

Love burns brighter than sunshine

I never understood before I never knew what love was for My heart was broke, my head was sore What a feeling Tied up in ancient history I didn’t believe in destiny I look up you're standing next to me What a feeling What a feeling in my soul Love burns brighter than sunshine Brighter than sunshine Let the rain fall, I don't care I'm yours and suddenly you're mine Suddenly you're mine and it's brighter than sunshine I never saw it happening I'd given up and given in I just couldn't take the hurt again What a feeling I didn't have the strength to fight suddenly you seemed so right Me and you What a feeling What a feeling in my soul Love burns brighter than sunshine It's brighter than sunshine Let the rain fall, I don't care I'm yours and suddenly you're mine Suddenly you're mine It's brighter than the sun It's brighter than the sun It's brighter than the sun, sun, shine. Love will remain a mystery But give me your hand and you will see Your heart is keeping time with me What a feeling in my soul Love burns brighter than sunshine It's brighter than sunshine Let the rain fall, I don't care I'm yours and suddenly you're mine Suddenly you're mine

To be or not to be - the quintessential Village Joker

I unfortunately attended the English literature class back in college with the mere thought that - what the heck its my dear Shakespeare- my natal birth chart soulmate...(for the slightly confused- we share a birthdate) and fate would be so sweet as to provide the perfect excuse for me to be essentially ambitious without letting me slip under sheets of attitude and drawn pistols.

It can be quite a task to mince your words so as to not be too sassy or get too noticed (if ever that were a bad thing) But honestly can anyone out there with no important work at hand or world to save- take the time to answer this pure and simple question - what exactly is diplomacy and why be so smug about?? Let me set the record straight first - this does not apply to George W Bush.....but why is there a need to be tactful, reverting back to an earlier post...it sounds like civilsation has taken over every natural instinct to behave like a common place asshole and replaced it with a common place asslicker....

Loyalty will get you far as in the case of Mr. Shivraj patil and Dick Cheney and even Max when it comes to his lunchtime .... but in contemporary society - loyalty is misplaced and is conveniently attirbuted to a person rather than a philosophy... and herein lies my problem...to be a village idiot with misplaced loyalty or a village joker with too many ethics????

Distance makes the heart grow fonder.....

and absence makes medieval torture seem like a piece of cake. People have left, moved on. And I am still here, trying to make my life seem somewhat tolerable. Okay, I am exaggerating, I don't try that hard really. However, routine takes over as usual. For the vain folks out there know that I have said people and not person. (but you knwo who y'all are) I think I have taken the black and white to a racist stage.....

I am just miserable right now but still smile the wonderful smile like I am at gun point.....

I miss you......

The Modern Day Robinson Crusoe

Loneliness and being alone are two different things. So is Isolation and Solitude. We over consumed with isolation even though the internet has become saviour. I am a little skeptical of that. For those who feel I worry too much, well everyone needs a skeptic. Everyone needs moderation. We have lost human touch, at times literally. How many of us have indulged in online sex chat forums rather than just go to a prostitute or pick up a girl at the bar? I understand, there are a lot of complications to all of this, but is Jenna Jameson on a speedboat really a better option?

Anyway, apart from that, yes the net bridges a wide disparity in culture, geography, opinions, perspectives... It is a haven for the curious and helpless because they cant obtian a visa. I apologise. If I had a choice I would take a raggerty old backpack around North India, than indulge in an online tour. "The real thing doll face" Funny I always wanted to use that phrase...it seems so apt here.

OK I maybe discounting it for all its worth nut no argument you make at this point in time will change my opinion. Its a flaw to many but my obstinnancy with this is justified. Although I will give credit to the good things the internet has given us and if you comapred ratios here for a minute you would understand that numbers don't matter....what matters is that at the end of the day are you truly happy being your self or prefer anonymity in a world full of irrelevant nikampoops.....

All women are fools....

Before all my so-called feminists coming out aghast - seriosuly when it comes to men, we are fools. And there are variations would you believe it. I have fallen to prey to my imagination. I let my expectations get in the way of something even better than I could hope or ask for...

There are those who fail to see what they have because of the fantasy that has consumed their hearts and minds...

And there are those who let it all just go away-keeping just their love, immortalising their love and they make time stand still in such perfect grace....

I am a lucky fool for I love someone who is the second fool, the god-like fool, the almighty fool....

I am a lucky fool for I belong to him....

I am a lucky fool for geography doesnt matter....

I am a lucky fool for even in my own hearts deafness, he still let his actions speak for him....

I am a lucky fool for I can cry just with him...

I am a lucky fool for time was so envious, she let her grains slip quicker....

Like I said all women are fools....and so is Time and so am I

But let me make known one last time,

I AM A LUCKY FOOL....FOR HE Loves me....

Ok, I am going stop being foolish now.... *sarcastic smile*

Writings on the Wall

It’s a sign of things to come...if I let in every single person in my life and give them a glimpse of the show even before its time- that graffiti will be engraved on my tombstone.


Somehow I can talk only about myself - that's what it always seems like - the I's and the Me's and the My's - they don't seem to end. Maybe that’s because the problems don't seem end or perhaps that is the reason for my problems. Either which way, I think its time to put that to an end or just take a break from the self-indulgent talk till there comes a time for an ego-stroke.


On a not-so unrelated note, a comment made me wonder how Evolution impacted our lives. I don't mean the phase from Homo erectus to Homo sapiens. Its more to do with Darwin confusing the skeptical. Apparently there is something called Devolution - I take that comment as contemptuous. How can anyone let down any thought and need just because it doesn't fit their idea of civil and becoming-like. The attitude disturbs me - the inability to see beyond the divine and the holy and the right that worries me. For its only Marx who can see utopia and dream of it like most Indian men dream of sex. Why talk about Evolution, you say when the core is being too over self-obsessed? Well, the answer is simple - my perception of my own change (within and without) consequently impacts my opinion of the society I live in. This is not to say that my actions are solely based on your approval. They are based on my free will and my tastes and habits.


What makes the argument of - Man is a social animal, so alluring, is that; as men we refuse our "superiority" to justify our capacity to be primal.


The way I see it, it should be the other way around. Not because it is fun to contradict. But so it can finally register that we are animals first and then society came into being. Don't take my opinion too literally, I don’t mean lets go back to being Neanderthals (although I know a few who are!!) I feel its high time we realize - that the need can at times be so strong that the etiquette could go jump off a cliff. So lets admit to the doom and destruction that comes with being primal and or being civilized…its not a win-win situation, for sure.....

Nostradamus 101

Have you ever seen that over-rated show "LOST". The protagonists' lives unfold in periodic pivotal episodes and all you are left with is more questions and more speculations.

Back to the real world or at least the dream state - it gets creepy when a dream recurs, right? It gets even creepier when with every 5th night; it slowly unfolds like an origami. Each fold-a new perspective, speculative, interpretative.

I am not sure if my fear is justified, not even sure my sub-conscious is playing tricks on me (most probably because it’s bored too). Whatever is the reason, I have come to a somewhat tentative conclusion - it’s all just pointless.

Life is unpredictable and trying to see my bleak future in not so many colours won't help me or anyone in any way. But, here comes the usual exception - what if your dreams/nightmares actually help you understand how you feel at the moment and perhaps of feelings and events long forgotten. I know a lot of people who have taken 5 descriptive sentences of a dream and make them seem so relatable. I have done so, many a times. It grips you especially when you start believing it is The Truth. So does this necessarily mean I should carry a dream dictionary around with me? I hope not – I don’t need anymore reason or ammunition to start (and twist) fucked up conversations.

I do recall the first time a stranger told me of his dream and it left the both of us confused – because he took as it was and I searched for a deeper meaning, in hopes to resolve any conflict. But the conflict was without not within. There are many who search for a “better” understanding of life and are many a time disappointed. “Nothing is at it seems” is their motto and in many instances it applies but when it doesn’t and we are heartbroken to find out that our assumption was mislaid, you feel ashamed. Ashamed to know that you still haven’t got the hang of this “sixth sense” concept even after practicing on unsuspecting family and friends. Maybe that’s when the dream/nightmare helps. When you can't resolve it with your eyes open, peering at every detail, watching out for the suspicious and the odd one.

It must help, I most surely hope it does to mask your eyes under the blanket of night and let it all just dissipate in a land of no colour and absurdity. Kafka would be proud....

V-DAY....Terminator couldn't help here !!

It's the dreaded day – the day that was meant to signify the martyrdom of a man, instead is celebrated as a day for heart shaped balloons and chocolate mint candies! Ok, I will admit to being tempted (to say the least) to buy the over-priced Hallmark card and hand it to a long time crush. But that's a phase every 13 year old goes through. So dare you judge me for being clinically normal!

But when you are past your teens and somewhat understanding the whole "I am an adult now" concept, does the day mean a lot more or should we discount it as just another day?

Let me clarify the reasons for the options above:
Time is something we all run short of – and with the way things are going, we might as well say, we are living on borrowed time. It's difficult to keep the romance alive when you yourself are trying to guarantee the man on your operating table stays alive. Work turns into an act of infidelity. Yes, I do admit that this is not the case with all but definitely for a majority. So, why judge the inept for indulging in a bouquet of roses and a candle-lit dinner?

I have heard of this folklore – of this special species of later Homo sapiens genealogy. Who would treat you like a goddess all year round and still have the energy to make dinner reservations at your favorite restaurant on V-Day, greet you with a bouquet of the freshest and brightest red roses and gift you a diamond ring as a token of his lasting love and affection. WOW … talk about a plot for a Hindi Horror film!

But in all honesty, how does this species function and how does the "goddess" put up with it. The sloppy kisses, the mushy one-liners. Ok, these are good – once in a while- but every moment of every day. Apologies for the old hag rant, but is it me alone who feels the over-the-top romance is suffocating to everyone who shares your breathing space? nn nA peck on the cheek, a yearning look, a hushed whisper* – now these are stolen moments that add flavor to the romance. The overt gestures are as good as a monster truck rally – the end result nothing but a disaster and name one person who won't enjoy a man-made wreck like that. nn nPublic Display of Affection (aka PDA) has been brutally tainted as an excuse for the nauseating antics. I consider it a turn-on (those still paying attention: Refer*). But boundaries is what a society is based on and it would really be nice to create a limit to the number of times you are allowed to throw up while walking along nMarine Drive. n nOnce dinner is done, there is the well-not-so-spoken-of part. The night just doesn't end with the chef's special dessert tray of high calorie pastries (which by the way, you carefully avoided to fit into the slinky black dress)

But in all honesty, how does this species function and how does the "goddess" put up with it. The sloppy kisses, the mushy one-liners. Ok, these are good – once in a while- but every moment of every day. Apologies for the old hag rant, but is it me alone who feels the over-the-top romance is suffocating to everyone who shares your breathing space?

A peck on the cheek, a yearning look, a hushed whisper* – now these are stolen moments that add flavor to the romance. The overt gestures are as good as a monster truck rally – the end result nothing but a disaster and name one person who won't enjoy a man-made wreck like that.

Public Display of Affection (aka PDA) has been brutally tainted as an excuse for the nauseating antics. I consider it a turn-on (those still paying attention: Refer*). But boundaries is what a society is based on and it would really be nice to create a limit to the number of times you are allowed to throw up while walking along Marine Drive.

Once dinner is done, there is the well-not-so-spoken-of part. The night just doesn't end with the chef's special dessert tray of high calorie pastries (which by the way, you carefully avoided to fit into the slinky black dress). Well I will leave upto the imagination of my infrequent readers...

Why this rant - in short - has love become materitalistic?
And with this I do not just refer to the love that blossoms with every spring or that between two star crossed teenagers/adult/adult-wannabes !!!
Are parents substituting their love with objects....IS LOVE BEING "OBJECT"ified???

This is not the same as being OBJECTIVE, because when its matters of the heart - they are never that simple...
So is it? I say IT IS....I ALSO SAY - WHY NOT? I ALSO SAY - EVERYTHING HAS A LIMIT....if one needs a sweaty wad of cash to tell their loved one they care all the time, everytime, I am sorry to disappoint you but I shall not be pleased

Yes with the rising inflation, it gets tough to hold your own with the MRPs and VATs and other acronyms. But Gandhi did not expect to be used ever so affectionately....

My grief - lets ge back to the craziness, the serenades, the walks arm-in-arm, the "i-dont-like-your-taste-in-music-but-will-still-listen-to-it" sort of love - the kind Shakespeare glorfifed but with a whole lot of subtlety.....

Maybe its too much to ask - but then again - so is Divine Intervention when you don't pray.....

The Perfect Man

When Jesus sat his disciples atop a much unknown mountain, one sunny Sunday, he forgot to include this statement in his weekly words of wisdom – Blessed are those who hate their job for they will get paid well for it.Did I hear someone yell – Blasphemy...well I hate to disagree. I get paid well and I well don't hate my job but it rather bores me. Any woman in my place would be quite excited to know that she shares her breathing space with men who value money and evaluate it for a living. Imagine the shopping sprees, if you manage to sink your teeth into the young hot shots and manage to suck every ounce of blood and credit point. But alas, where these men fail to garner your attention is the charm, panache and well sexual preference.Believe me all of this (none to my misfortune). I rather consider the whole affair a quest like the Holy Grail. In short, every woman (and I mean every woman) searches for THE PERFECT MAN – looks, charm, credit card packed wallet and well a trouser-full of you-know-what. However, in search of THE PERFECT MAN , we find ourselves quite drawn to the brash, unabashed, opinionated, unkempt, self-made man. (The trouser-full of you-know-what somehow never changed for me; here I speak for myself alone). Perfection is all about perception, I guess. So is the ideal a fake - a clever ruse to identify the gecko from the chameleon??? Perhaps, a lie detector test for the weak and unhinged.There is a certain appreciation for a man (or woman) who refuses to change his (or her) core values for the sake of another. But here I need to include a much debated thought - is change for the sake of change, right ? or is change with a purpose to keep things balanced, fatal to self? Rilke said "Life is lived in transformation". So it really wouldn't mater what the reason for the transformation is, right? For you are living life to its fullest with every change you make, right from the person you share your bed with to the number of sugar cubes you add to your tea.. (Note: I provide questions. These however, aren't rhetorical but rather I would appreciate no feedback on the matter. I repeat - NO FEEDBACK REQUIRED) .... inconclusive....